Warnemünde: Escape to Ostsee

Warnemünde is all about old people, fried stuff and pure relaxation. Unless you've got an issue with real milk and soft oil massages, this short weekend escape is a perfect option for the spontaneous traveler.
7 Jul ’15 by Tandiss Travel

While on this particular weekend, 97% of all Berliners traveled to the atrocity that is Fusion Festival (see Sara’s wise insights on music festival here) – not an option for me, either – I decided very un-spontaneously to spend the weekend with The Boyfriend aka Johannes and his family in Warnemünde at the Baltic Sea (“Ostsee“, aka the Hamptons of Berlin). The alternative would’ve been to watch “Grey’s Anatomy” while experiencing my personal catharsis through their suffering characters. That’s because, as I have mentioned before, I am currently in a very difficult state of self-discovery. Basically, all I want to is to wake up and be a guru. Others should find refuge from their sorrows with me, because I am a spring of wisdom (haha) and strength. Anyway… my detox-path led me to do this short trip.

But I don’t mean to digress or bore the precious reader with dull holiday text, and really, I don’t need any more pretense: The Boyfriend* took some amazing pictures that I wanted to share.

For all those who haven’t been to the Baltic Sea, here’s a little “Ostsee ABC”:

– You will most likely be the youngest person in Warnemünde. While I was under the impression to be the only ethnic minority, I also realized that I was the demographic minority, too. Everybody was grey-haired. I was perfectly embedded into the backdrop of an insurance company’s stock photos.

– You should like fish. Preferably fried. Don’t expect any meal to be on the light side of the scale here. In Warnemünde, people don’t accept food if it’s not fried twice and dipped into the barbarity that is Remoulade, or garlic sauce. Apart from that, you are always observed by obnoxious sea gulls who also like to attack innocent passers-by to rob them of their delicious treats.


– As lactose-retarded person, I can only attest to the difficulties we had in trying to score a soy latte. What sounds like a First World Problem to you is a diarreah-inducing dealbreaker to me. But my friends, the joy I felt when I finally discovered a little café that did not just have soy latte, but also different varieties of David Rios Chai Latte, cannot be expressed into basic words.

– Unfortunately, I also had the worst massage of my life. I like it rough, to be honest. I need a massage to painfully squeeze out the tension and tightness. I usually orgasm after a proper treatment. The massage in Warnemünde? More like a thorough preparation for an oil-wrestling competition.

All in all, I’d totally return to Warnemünde, because although I only listed negative points (I like to emphasize my biggest strength: complaining), one should not forget the fresh air, the sweep of the horizon, the beach and the pure recovery we had. Even though the weather only got better when we left (disappointed, but not surprised), we spent most of our time outside and took walks from here to there. Again I got to realize how much life quality lies within a proximity to the sea, that I miss the smell of brackish water, and how underrated calamari are.

*The Boyfriend, aka Johannes from Modest Department.

Three comments

  1. Könnte auch ein Fashion-Shooting für Stan Smiths gewesen sein <3

  2. :). klingt nach einen tollen kurzurlaub. das mit den grauen haaren ist nur in warnemünde so. hannes sollte mal mit dir auf den darss oder nach usedom. dort gibt es noch alle haarfarben…

Other opinions

  1. […] you’re look­ing for an even chiller Ost­see exper­iene, try Warnemünde. Tan­diss already told us about their weird obses­sion with baked fish, and Matze ana­lyzed the […]