There’s a special kind of place in hell reserved exclusively for those smug bastards in Berlin who brag about ‘their‘ secret lakes, ‘which they’ve discovered like, 10 years ago or something, and is only 5 minutes away if you crawl slowly, and has pristine waters and an infinity pool set amidst the sunset, and it’s on the way to the asparagus wonder factory, and you can rent Yachts there, too, and it’s so untouched and unspoiled and Hitler used to tan here‘, but then refuses to take you there or share the info with you.

That’s the same cunt that produces a condescending grunt (‘aww honey, that lake is SO over?‘) when you tell him about Liepnitzsee, then proceeds to throw confetti and vanish on a speedboat into the mythical lake country around Berlin.

You know what? Fuck that noise. There’s no mythical secret lake. Every lake is crowded in the summer around Berlin. Do you know why?

Because there are 3 million roasted potatoes in the city during at heatwave, but only so many lakes you can reach easily without a car. So here’s the secret to finding a non-crowded lake: go as far away as you can from Berlin. But since that isn’t feasible for most people on a Sunday afternoon, you might as well just get on board with everybody’s favorite lake: Liepnitzsee.

Did your pretentious dick friend mention that they woke up at 7 AM on a Sunday, like the fucking German broomstick that they are, because the car ride takes 2 hours? What kind of fun is that supposed to be?

So Liepnitzsee used to be one of those mythical “lakes” in Berlin that allegedly, nobody knew about, but now everybody knows about it and everyone’s yapping. EYE ROLL HARD.

The water is crystal clear, the grass is green and fresh, and when I visited it was extraordinarily calm. It gets really crowded on hot weekends, especially if you go to the wild beaches (which are basically mud-spots on the lakeside). But don’t be fooled: it’s just as overcrowded as any other lake or public pool in Berlin, you just drive or bike further out to get there, and unless you pay entrance to the beachside, there’s no Späti or kiosk or toilets nearby.

Right within a forest, Liepnitzsee is known for having the best waters around the city (and, if I can remember correctly, the cleanest water in Brandenburg). There’s a reason why it’s always been popular.

There’s an island amidst the lake that you can reach via ferry. If you’re fit you can swim there. There are boat rentals for fishing and if you opt to go to the official “beach”-site (you’ll have to pay a couple of Euros entrance), there are also showers, toilets and the obligatory Pommes and Currywurst Kiosks.

How to reach Liepnitzsee

Take the S-Bahn or Regionalexpress to Wandlitz or Bernau, then bike about 30 minutes to the lake. Don’t walk.

1 thought on “ Liepnitzsee ”

Comments are closed.